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The trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 has some baffling implications

I didn’t see the first (well, fifth) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, but the trailer for the sequel is out. Check out the trailer for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows:

This trailer and its implications are baffling. Some first impressions…

  • Are there aliens? Is this a Krang story? If so, they’re kind of burying the lead, because that’s never addressed.
  • Also, check out this movie just bringing back all the stuff you loved from the cartoon, like their sweet-ass ride, and, oh yeah, Beebop and Rocksteady.
  • April seems weirdly genre savvy about the whole “female protagonist surrounded by street gang” situation.
  • Oh yeah, I forgot, Arrow’s in this movie.
  • Meanwhile, Shredder’s just casually hanging out like he wasn’t a huge, embarrassing retcon in the first movie. That’s cool, Shredder. Just play it off like NBD.
  • Tyler Perry as Baxter Stockman… perfect casting? I mean, kinda, right?
  • The two main things Megan Fox does in the trailer are (1) get rescued and immediately fall in love, and (2) synch up her blouse to look sexy. This pretty much tracks with what I was expecting.
  • Will Arnett: voice of reason.
  • Also, hey, tanks float. Did you know tanks float? I didn’t know tanks float. Michael Bay knows a lot more about tanks than we do, I guess.
  • I have never been more annoyed by any RUN-DMC song.

For those who saw the first  movie: was it a cartoon? Because, 100%, this looks like a cartoon. I’m not entirely sure that’s a bad thing; all the TMNT movies are basically cartoons.

Also, hey, I Googled this… Isn’t it weird that Johnny Knoxville plays Leonardo? I feel like i’s definitely weird that Tony Shalhoub plays Splinter. That’s weird, right? I’m not alone?

Anyway, this movie is coming out… and despite claims that they’re ruining your childhood, your kids are gonna love it. Start saving up for those Floating Tank toys now.

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