Musings – The Horrifying Truth Behind Baby New Year

So, as I understand it, the way the whole thing goes that Baby New Year comes along at the end of the year, and Old Man Old Year (or whatever his name is), who I always saw drawn as an old man with a long beard and a scythe, bequeaths the year to Baby New Year. Then that Baby New Year grows up to become the next Old Man Old Year, to bequeath the year to the next Baby New Year.

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But I always thought they were supposed to FIGHT at the end of the year – so, is that how it goes down? A baby shows up, and beats up an old man? Now, at first glance, that seems like a fairly one-sided battle – he’s old, so what sort of fight can he put up, right? Except when you remember the fact that he carries a SCYTHE. Yeah. That dude came to play.

So, I think we can agree Baby New Year kills Old Man Old Year, right? (Wait, is he supposed to be Father Time? Whatever…) At the very least, Baby New Year robs Old Man Old Year of his dignity (and scythe), and leaves him to die of insignificance and nostalgia. Meanwhile, Baby New Year goes on to party so hard through the year that, after only ONE YEAR, he has gone from a baby to an old man. That’s harsh, but makes sense – look how old Presidents get, and then magnify that by the entire world – that guy’s got a short shelf life.

Anyway, here’s my question – where does Baby New Year come from every time? Are they actually the child of the year previous? I guess that makes sense with him being “Father Time.” Does Baby New Year become Teenager Summer, or Middle-Aged-Man Fall, and get some chick pregnant with the new Baby New Year? And then that baby comes along and KILLS HIM? EVERY TIME? It’s like Oedipus, but it NEVER ends. Every father dies at the hand of his son, who goes on to die at the hands of HIS son, and so on and so on, in perpetuity. The scythe becomes this trophy of each baby’s first kill, and gets passed on from murder to murder like the One Ring in Lord of the Rings (or the Elder Wand in Harry Potter, pick your fantasy poison).

I mean, let’s be fair, Old Man Baby Old New Year isn’t long for this world, anyway. He’s basically on death’s door when the Baby shows up, and maybe Baby New Year is just putting him out of his misery, and it’s better for everyone. And I guess they do HAVE to have another kid at some point, otherwise the bloodline ends, and then I guess time just stops? HOLY SHIT is that how the world ends? Maybe that’s how it all ends for us? All it takes is for one Baby New Year to stick a fork in a power outlet or choke on a dry cleaning bag, and that’s it, that’s all she wrote, welcome to Ragnarok.

… these are the things I think about.

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